Can i not drive my cunt home
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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