I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
