Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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