that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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