i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
