yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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