he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
