I'll bet she douches with gravy.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
