whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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