oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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