Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
