Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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