i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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