butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
