my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
