You made me cry and you don't even care
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
