I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
