I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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