What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
