you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
