I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
