Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
