Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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