ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
