Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize