I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
