So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
