I think I won the penis lottery.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
