this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
