Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
