all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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