Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
