Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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