If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
