Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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