His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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