i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
