Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
