Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
