I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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