It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
