We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
