oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
