Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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