I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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