I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
