dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
