Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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