Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
