she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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