she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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