She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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