Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
