Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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