How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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