Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
