taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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