Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
