why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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