then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
