Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
