The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
