Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
