Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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