did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.