Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
