my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
