Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
