you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
