i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
