I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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