First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital