I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?