I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.