The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
