You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
