We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My life is pants optional.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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