Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
