go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think I won the penis lottery.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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