She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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