I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
