I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
