true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
