ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
