You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
