I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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