You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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