Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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