i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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