I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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