Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
me + whiskey = a bad person
Randomize
